Recently, I posted a question on Facebook:
“Do you think we’ve gotten too casual with how we go out in public?”
My answer is yes. Apparently, quite a few other people feel the same way.
Here are a few of the responses I received:
“Dressing is an important element in society, and it has gotten far too casual.”
“We dress too casually in general. There is something to be said for self-care and presentation.”
“Once you hit the age of eight, pajamas and slippers in public are no good.”
“Business casual is the minimum attire for when I travel. I run into clients and important people at airports far too frequently to do anything less.”
I’m certainly glad we’re no longer expected to put on a dress, girdle, heels, and pantyhose simply to leave the house. (I literally cannot remember the last time I wore hose. Or saw those little pantyhose eggs for sale at a grocery.) Clothing has become more comfortable, dress codes have relaxed, and we all have far more freedom to decide what is appropriate for our personal lives.
But I also think the pendulum has swung too far.
At what point did actual pajamas and house slippers become acceptable attire for the grocery store or the airport? I’m not talking about those polished matching sets that resembles loungewear. I mean clothing that clearly looks as though its wearer got out of bed and simply kept going.
The usual response is, “But I want to be comfortable.”
Of course. So do I.
Fortunately, we no longer have to choose between being comfortable and looking presentable.Soft trousers, knit dresses, athleisure wear, comfortable shoes, coordinated travel sets, and countless other options allow us to move through the day—or roam about the cabin—without being pinched, squeezed, or tortured by our clothing.
Comfort and effort are not mutually exclusive.
Getting Dressed Is Part of Showing Up
The larger point goes beyond personal taste or any particular level of formality. When we leave our private spaces, we enter shared ones.
How we present ourselves is part of how we participate in those shared spaces.
We dress differently for a wedding than we do for yardwork because the occasion matters. We dress appropriately for a funeral because the people involved matter. Most of us would not attend a job interview in pajamas because we understand that our clothing communicates something before we say a word.
The grocery store and the airport are not weddings, funerals, or job interviews. They do not require us to dress up. But perhaps they still call for us to get dressed.
There is an old expression about the importance of being willing to “suit up and show up.” The suit is usually metaphorical, but I think there is something valuable in the literal version too.
Getting dressed can be a small act of readiness and etiquette. It signals that we have made the transition from our private lives into public life. We are awake, engaged, and prepared to interact with other people.
We All Notice Appearance
Whether we like it or not, people form impressions based partly on appearance. We do it even when we consider ourselves open-minded and try our best not to make unfair judgments.
Our brains take in visual information quickly. We notice whether someone appears approachable, distracted, professional, careless, friendly, or agitated. Those first impressions may be incomplete or wrong, but they happen before we know anything else about the person.
This does not mean attractive people are better people, expensive clothing reflects good character, or everyone must conform to one narrow standard. Being presentable has very little to do with beauty, body type, designer labels, or income.
Clean, appropriate clothing costs no more than the pajamas someone might otherwise wear out of the house.
It also does not mean we know what another person is dealing with. Someone may be ill, exhausted, grieving, caring for a newborn, living with a disability, or simply having an unusually difficult day. Grace should always be part of the equation.
But exceptions do not have to become the standard.
Is Casual Dress Primarily an American Habit?
When traveling outside the United States, I often notice that people in other countries appear more intentional about what they wear in public. They may be dressed casually, but they still look dressed.
Perhaps that is why pajamas in an American airport stand out to me. It is difficult to imagine many international travelers arriving in another country wearing obvious bedclothes and house slippers.
Of course, this is a general impression, not a universal rule. Casual dress exists everywhere, and Americans certainly do not have a monopoly on questionable clothing choices.
Still, we seem particularly enthusiastic about treating public places as extensions of our living rooms.
Presentation Is Not the Same as Perfection
I am not suggesting that we return to rigid dress codes or spend an hour getting ready to buy a carton of milk. I am not even arguing that everyone needs to look stylish.
Style is optional. Basic grooming and situationally appropriate clothing are something different.
There is a wide stretch of territory between formalwear and flannel pajamas. Somewhere in that space is an outfit that is comfortable, practical, and appropriate for being around other people.
Putting ourselves together can also affect how we feel. Clothing cannot solve every problem, but the act of getting dressed can help us shift mentally from retreating to participating. It can remind us that we have somewhere to be and a role to play, even if that role is simply being a courteous fellow traveler or a pleasant person in the checkout line.
We do not need to obsess over what strangers think of us or base our self-worth on their approval. But living in a society does require some awareness that other people exist.
Perhaps getting dressed before entering a shared public space is one small way of saying, “I’m here. I’m participating. I cared enough to show up.”
Not dressed to impress. Just dressed.